BroWren (browren) wrote,

Writer's Block: Nothing to fear but fear itself

What's your deepest, darkest fear? Have you tried to overcome it?

SLEESTAKS. I hate those fucking things! I mean, just look at them, these bastards have scary written all over them. It's like some fat pervert mated with a monitor lizard and then forced the offspring to mate, thus creating an entire race of retarded inbred half-lizard half-person mutants.

I mean, just look at these fuckers - oversized eyes, goofy, toothless grins, and they all have some kind of bizzarre neck flaps that make them nearly impossible to karate chop properly. And the horn! That thing is fucking sharp. I ran into one of these motherfuckers under my bed once as a kid, and it tried to stab me in the pancreas with that thing. Luckily I was able to get the hell out of there before more showed up.

And these bastards wouldn't leave me alone, either - they came back, evolved, in the 80s, wearing red spandex and the skins of attractive humans. Not only did they kill these sweet, innocent hotties, they stole their skins and then raided T.J. Maxx in them. I mean come ON, just look at the evil smile on this smug-ass lizard bitch, it's screaming "my hair's only this big to hide my razor-sharp murder horn. Which I will stab into your ballsac after I've tricked you into trying to sleep with me."

Well, humanity did manage to kick their green asses, despite them being armed with goddamn lazer beams and spaceships. At least, that's what the TV documentary said. I was too busy hiding in my basement.

Seriously people, Sleestaks. They're fucking SCARY.
Tags: writer's block
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